RE: Special Offer

Dear Capital One,

I just wanted to share a thought with you that brightened my day. I hope it brightens yours as well.

The Science Channel has this great show called How It’s Made that shows you how everyday things are manufactured. Today, I watched an episode on toilet paper and learned that something as mundane as TP is fascinating to watch travel the assembly line.

To create this staple of modern hygiene, a toilet paper plant starts with recycled paper and breaks it down in a large tub of hot water with an agitator—much like a giant washing machine. After the paper has been reduced to a pulp, air bubbles are injected into the mixture, which causes the ink to float to the top. The soupy solution is then bleached, dried and made into rolls for your and me to use.

I arrived home tonight to find the latest installment of our frequent, one-sided correspondence sitting in my mailbox. The thought struck me that I’ve not been fully appreciating your efforts. You see, I recycle your letters whenever I can, but after watching this fascinating documentary on toilet paper, I now know where they are going.

I want to thank you for your steadfastness and persistence in mailing me offers. It gives me comfort to know that next time I receive one, I’ll soon be using it to wipe my ass.

Sincerely,

—Ryan